


The O’Neill Paradox

by nanda (nandamai)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s09e13 Ripple Effect, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Phone Sex, Vibrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-26
Updated: 2006-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-15 13:59:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nandamai/pseuds/nanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jack has a moment, and Sam kills it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The O’Neill Paradox

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't help myself. Post-Ripple Effect. Nakedness, snark, cliché abuse, authorial giggling.
> 
> Thanks to splash_the_cat and poohmusings for the beta.

_“Eighteen Carters.”_

“Yes, Jack.” 

“Eighteen! That’s about the hottest thing ever.”

Sam didn’t think so. “Can we get back on topic, please?”

“Hey, you had your moment with Marty. I’m having mine with eighteen of you.”

He was going to torture her about this _for the rest of her life_. “Does the moment have to be _now_? I thought we were having phone sex here.” She was kneeling on the floor, her forehead resting on the mattress, ass wriggling in the air and a hand between her legs. _I’m behind you,_ he’d said. _I’m twisting your nipples until it hurts._ She’d been whimpering his name a minute ago.

“Oh, I’m still having phone sex. Think you all look the same naked?”

“I didn’t get a chance to ask. Jack, come on, this is ruining the mood.”

“Not for me.” Sam heard a low chuckle, followed by an exaggerated moan. “You know how to get to all those alternate universes, right?”

Her arm was tired and she realized her fingers had stopped moving while she wasn’t paying attention. She climbed up on the bed and fell onto her back, stretching her neck and trying not to pout. On the plus side, the guilt over her near-miss with Martouf was melting away fast. “They’d probably slug you. Every one of them.”

His voice was filled with his most annoying grin. “Kinky.”

“Oh, for crying out —”

She hung up.

One, two, three — the room was suddenly cold; she slid under the blanket — four, five, six, seven —

_Ring._

The phone had never left her hand. _“What?”_

“Eighteen of you! Naked!”

Sam groaned, loudly. “You are never going to let me live this down, are you?”

“Nope. In fact I think I deserve eighteen blowjobs. For being such an understanding guy.”

“Or you could never get one again.”

There was silence, and a rustling, and then a long, impressive streak of some of the worst language she’d ever heard. “Dammit, Carter, you just killed my hard-on!”

Her favorite vibrator was on the nightstand. She clicked it on and held it up to the phone.

_“CARTER!”_


End file.
